lose

fake
like the
air conditioned
weather
inside this house
so i take
a book
and
some tea
and
step out into
the heat,
and for once,
i prefer the
late afternoon
sun
to beat down
on my face,
then on my
bare feet.
cause it's real
you know...
REAL,
and
out of my
control,
like something
too
heavy to hold
that i
eventually
have
to let go.
so,
fuck it,
i'll let go,
then i wont
have anything
to prove
anymore.
i lose
lose
lose
lose
cause god knows
(and now
everybody knows)
that
i'm so
w e a k,
for y o u . . .