blog affairs

Ironically, I switched to a tumbler.com blog because they have an "audio upload" option, which i thought would be great for posting new songs...but after the switch I started writing a lot more poems than songs. Funny how that worked out. So, now, I'm thinking i'll switch back to this ole blog. What are the chances I'll suddenly start writing a lot of songs again? ha! We shall see...

if you want to catch up on my latest blogs, go here: http://kaylaschureman.tumblr.com/

till soon,
Kayla

NEW BLOG

come on over to the Tumblr world and check out my new blog.

http://kaylaschureman.tumblr.com/

-kayla

all the while

if i go down today, i'll go down gracefully
cause i'll be free from regret and free from envy
and if i go down tomorrow, i'll go down in style
cause it's true that i've loved you all the while

when i kissed that sailor, i told him i was the sea
but if anyone asks, you didn't hear that from me
cause it's true that i've loved you all the while
even when those southern winds blew us off course for miles

and when i made love to that author, told him i was his words
but if anyone asks, tell them that's just absurd
cause it's true that i've loved you all the while
and no book or quote could make me forget your smile

so, if i wake up today and don't feel the hurt
it's cause i've already had much more than i deserved,
and if i wake up tomorrow and still feel inspired
it's only because i've loved you all the while

one, two, three

dark dark room
until the wall projects a glow
bright and blue.
she sits there,
right next to you
with her eyes glued
and her hand cold and smooth,
"shhh," she tells you
cause the previews are through
and the first scene is the most important
to pay attention to.

maybe she heard you thinking?
because your mouth wasn't moving
and your lips weren't speaking
in fact,
you may have been sleeping...
cause this whole night is like
one, two, three,
if you know what i mean...
because you both sit there,
and it doesn't mean anything!
she's just someone to bring
to midnight at the movies.

black goes best with white

tuesday afternoon,
nothing to do
so it's just as good a time as any to take a drive,
besides,
i'd go anywhere for you

there's a back-stage room
at every venue
with drinks, a couch, and a phone in case you want to be alone
or call home
to the people who miss you

but you're in the dressing room
picking out a dress and some boots,
you make up your mind and say, "black goes best with white",
then you smile
like you did back in '72

you can only play a few
so, some are old and some are new
but, new or old, the sad ones sink like a stone,
heavy and slow
like you knew exactly who to sing to

i sit still in my seat,
did everyone leave?
or am i just imagining? cause the way you sing
makes it seem
like it's just you and me...

-kayla

you would never know

it rained a little last night
but you would never know,
because of the way i hide things,
like how i cover up my sadness with a smile
and my anger with nervous laughter
but you...
you would never know
because you think out loud,
and you never stop talking
long enough to know that it's raining,
a downpour across the room
so heavy
that it doesn't even feel like rain anymore,
it's so heavy
like a sea of water that fell all at once,
after all this time,
but somehow your clothes stay dry
while mine
get soaked,
drenched
and cold
but you...
you would never know.

food stained pages

she comes into the bakery with a secretive look in her eyes and a box in her hands. she is quiet and trying hard to look casual as she searches for a woman to greet her. [i can't quite determine what is in the box, a surprise maybe? or perhaps twenty years of secrets? recipes only her mother knew...notebooks containing scribbles of fine ingredients, food stained pages, and amateur sketches. the best is a sketch of a cinnamon roll with frosting, a whole page in size, with makeshift, cliché steam drawn above the pastry as squiggly lines... but this is just a guess, i don't really know whats inside.]

now, she delivers the box in a drug-deal like fashion. she slides the old, worn out cardboard box across the counter and receives a nod and a smile from the lady in the back of the kitchen.
she leaves.
[i smile and order my coffee]

two only

it's like going home
or maybe more like
letting home back into my own
flat, desert-like soul
full of los angeles
swealtering heat
and no clean water to drink--
but just think,
what if i didn't leave?
oh, boy!
i'd be
crawling on my hands and knees
across a city that holds a mirror to every face,
the cleanest glass you've ever seen,
but i could never see myself anyways
no no no
that reflection wasn't me.
because she,
she just wanted to start living,
feel the spin from her feet twirling
effortless on a dance floor
with her pretty face laughing,
going round and round
to the sweet, familiar sound
of music she never heard before she was lonely,
music found in the hearts of two, and two only.

-kayla

see it for what it is

decided to go to so cal this weekend. just a few pics... friday and today some.

sunrise. highway five.
good morning coast.
V dub.
passenger seat.
royal.
b e a c h
kelly. texting (probably ryan). breakfast.
hOTEL.
driving into the fog.
coastal.
me. kelly. blurry.
g o o d b y e
:)
san clemente. train stop.
p i z z a > > by the slice.
cool.
-k

lose

fake
like the
air conditioned
weather
inside this house
so i take
a book
and
some tea
and
step out into
the heat,
and for once,
i prefer the
late afternoon
sun
to beat down
on my face,
then on my
bare feet.
cause it's real
you know...
REAL,
and
out of my
control,
like something
too
heavy to hold
that i
eventually
have
to let go.
so,
fuck it,
i'll let go,
then i wont
have anything
to prove
anymore.
i lose
lose
lose
lose
cause god knows
(and now
everybody knows)
that
i'm so
w e a k,
for y o u . . .

Never Stay Gone

new new new song! another garage band masterpiece...ha! listen here...
http://www.myspace.com/kaylaschureman

-kayla :)

SundayStudio

woke up early this morning to go to the airport, came back home and decided to edit some pics from yesterdays recording session...just a few. back to bed now?

the kit. shadows.


-e.p.


the nord electro 2! angel.


more drums. more shadows.


"he prays but he's sure that the angels never swim in the ohio..."


-kayla

pup

:)

styrofoam dream

this is where i wait,
right here
in the waiting room,
where there is
stale coffee to enjoy
in little white cups
eight ounces high,
but i only fill mine
six or maybe five,
to leave room for
processed cream
that i stir around
slowly
until i complete this
styrofoam dream.
three sips in
and i think of you,
then of me
and my ghost-like
personality;
see-thru and
prone to vanishing,
but i'm here now,
clockwatching
with a lonesome stare,
legs crossed
in an empty chair
put there
for someone who
doesn't care
if they're lonely,
like me.
maybe i sit here,
and you can't even see me?
but don't you wonder
who drinks all the coffee?
or who admires
everything you do
like you're someone holy?

-kayla

cocoon

bus stop dream
but there's never an empty seat
so i wait patiently
like an earthquake waiting to unleash
and crumble the whole city
and break these crooked streets,
until everything stops moving
unlike this hollywood movie
where every scene plays over and over
until it consumes me,
but when the camera cuts to me,
i say [casually] "it wasn't ment to be"...
like that means anything,
cause i still remember times
driving home at night,
headache light,
no nails to bite,
and sadness taking over inside
(like it was trying
to cocoon those nervous butterflys)
but that's silly
to think there is a possibility
to capture something that free,
or maybe not,
cause eventually
we all end up at the begining
according to scientific documentaries
and textbook theories
that everybody skimmed but didn't read,
(including me)
so now i say, "lets just wait and see."

so this is what it has come to...
me piecing days together with glue
hoping that anything new
could be traced back to
people and places like you
or that musty midtown music room
where you sang you heart out in a tune
and for once,
i just sat in the crowd, unable to move,
and watched you.

-kayla

island home

happy sounds
come back around,
the ones i used to hear
before the dawn of dark
and the moving back
to this town.
i hope they stay...
for a while anyway,
longer than the state fair
and the 105 degree weather,
which ends this saturday.
cause you've seen how i slide
down the vertical wall of time
and get used to the bottom
where i overstay my welcome,
and spend too many lonely nights.
but this time i wont go
back to my far-away island home
with the long metal track
that connects it to the mainland,
cause it isn't an island anymore.

-kayla

never again

i swore i would never do it again
but there i was at 4 am
driving home, about to press send
when i remembered that i said
"i will never do that again",
so i didnt
but god damn, i was so tempted
cause i wanted you to know
what you already know,
and now i'm left with heavy thoughts
and heavy hands
that i keep to myself
instead.

-kayla

around my door

for years you've lingered too long around my door, so long, in fact, you've found your favorite spot on the porch. that spot right outside the window in a wooden chair with a view of the land you see but never work. a nice spot in the shade where the soft breeze from the south passes every evening, and the smell of the leaves and burning wood lingers every morning. i've invited you to come on in in every kind of weather, i've arranged for you to leave by every mode of transportation, but all you want is for me to come out and sit with you...wait with you. sometimes, when im in the mood, i'll sit next to you and listen to you talk until the sun come up. meanwhile, i forget about my life inside the house and about my life out in the town. i forget things about myself like my name and my face, but mostly my age. i slip away. i know you know that i do by the way i clutch your hand and rest my head on your chest [ like a child, not a lover]. then, like a movie script ending with perfect timing, you say,"stay with me.", but i always find a reason to go...always.

sincerely,
kayla

hide&seek

everything is misplaced,
but it makes me smile and pace
because something is only lost
until i choose to find it again,
like a child's game of hide and seek
with open fingers over my eyes trying to peek
then taking careful note where the hiders go,
tag them all and say i didn't cheat...
but i can't pretend anymore
because i know right where to find everything.

sincerely,
kayla

down

new song, old footage.
enjoy.

honest night

honest night, make me new agian
and get me back on my feet.
wait for the last tear to drop,
the spinning to stop,
and for each breath to sigh.
wait for me to fall asleep
before the coyotes cry
and i awake to my blues again,
and pretend
there is no end
honest night, make me new
again.

-kayla

spongelove

wanting without end reminds me that i am alive. every last bit of me is alive and my soul is constantly absorbing every little longing like a sponge and making room for one self inflicted heartbreak after another. every last fiber soaks until the sponge is drenched and has no other option but to be rung out. what then? i dread the day when all that's left of me is a dry and tired sponge with no heart and no energy left to want again. or perhaps i dread the day when the sponge decides to never let go and carries on, heavy and drenched with the weight of wasted love. or perhaps the cure is a little bit of sunshine and summer heat to dry out the sponge? force myself to let go of self pity for the time being and try to understand why i am so broken...broken like the bucket we kick around for years or maybe lifetimes, because none of this is new to the human heart...none of it.

-kayla

eternal pose

"don't change" he said
"don't ever change..."
he kept repeating
over and over,
but not with his mouth,
with his eyes.
a message sent in
a desperate stare
almost on the verge
of tears because
he would be so lost
without her
the way she is.
just like a rock
or a stone,
she remains the same
in his mind
until they're
gray and old.
but little does he know,
she will soon grow tired
of holding that
eternal pose
but today she just
smiled and did as
she was told
when he said,
"don't change,
"don't ever change."
and then left her
on the porch
on a summer night
in the cold.

-kayla

again

dear reader,
no....
dear writer,
why all the ink and paper
for silly rhymes you make
up now
and then forget about later?
why all the late nights
that deny you of sleep
but leave you wide-eyed
and eager write?
and why does the truth
feel safe inside this notebook
unlike the truth inside
your heart you so easily
overlook?
your hand writes
and your head spins
while thoughts
stuck on a ferris wheel
go round and round
until they come back again
so dear reader...dear friend,
forgive me if i write
about the same things
twice when there is
so much to be said...

-kayla

fever

fever comes again
when the motion stops
and the wind dies,
so we keep moving
because
we have all summer
to try.
tonight, in between sixteen
hours of daylight,
i remember to
ask myself "why
did we ever build our house
on the track
when we knew the train
would roll by?"
and now,
there is nowhere
to hang our clothes,
or measure how tall
we've grown
on the kitchen wall
by the phone.
no place to lay still and rest
our tired, broken eyes...
eyes broken like bones.
(did you happen to see
where we built our home?)
oh, but we knew exactly
what would happen
when we set
the first stone...
and we found
relaxation in
the anticipation
of the destruction
of our relation-
ship
like nervous war-
ships floating
so close to foreign
shores every night
ready to fight,
just like our bodies
ready to battle a fever
that never stops
and never dies

-kayla

Jayden!

my youngest drum student, Jayden. He's 3 years old!!!
:)sincerely,
Kayla

wait for the seed

slowly,
i become more patient
as the world spins
and the day ends.
patient enough to
plant our love
from the smallest of seeds
while
desperately wanting to
lie in the shade of a mature tree
or swing high
from the branches of
a sturdy elm, tall and green.
but in the end i'll know
that that tree isn't my own
...so i'll wait for the seed.

quietly,
i fill up the bucket with rain
to water the roots below the ground
that grow without a sound.
meanwhile, i frantically search
to find light in every day
even when i have to
pretend and put on
my hopeful face
or convince myself
not to walk away.
i patiently watch it grow
because one day this tree will be home
i will stay
i will stay
i will stay

-kayla

fuel

"Music has always been a matter of energy to me, a question of fuel. Sentimental people call it inspiration, but what they really mean is fuel. I have always needed fuel. I am a serious consumer. On some nights I still believe that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio."

-Hunter S. Thompson

hangtown

Saturday shoes. Saturday feet.a giant mug of beer. its real...

the young and the old.
she.
ooops... accidental shot. accidental death?
loading in. i'm glad we don't have massive shit to set up like this amp.
fair child, fair child how are you man? Did you fix that store front? Did you start that band?
sincerely,
Kayla

dawn's blues

snowy morning
no one is up yet except you.
put on two pair of socks
beneath your shoes
then walk eight blocks,
kicking rocks,
disturbing dawn's blues

which way?
you can't decide,
like
affections torn
tired with heavy eyes
but the liar is always
showing off,
while
the lover is always
getting lost
so which way...
WHICH way?!?
we're running out of time!

snowy morning
second guesses
and secret signs

-kayla

I Wanted To Go

sincerely,
Kayla S.

the boys

oh, lord stay with us.BRD!!!
skillz.

please learn the whole 'mexican hat dance' for next time...


hmmm...


just a few photos of the band (minus me cause i was taken the pics). you know...

alive

i'll just sit here with my back against the wall
and watch the lightning explode purple and white
i can feel the thunder rumble through the ground
through the wooden floors then through the walls to my spine
meanwhile your story fills my head
your words make me smile and think of of my own life
they make me want to dance around or sing out loud
or close my eyes while I bite my lip and cry
or walk until i have to run or call someone i love
cause your voice sounds like being alive
alive
alive
alive

http://www.marfaspark.com/audio/emmylou%20interview%20mix%201.mp3

-kayla

Face the Ceiling

please let me lay here
i've never seen you cry
not even a single tear
of sadness. i wont try
to look at your face
and watch the water drip off your cheeks
or try to trace
where it goes when it leaves
i just want to lie with you while you grieve.

you face the ceiling
i'll face the wall
i know you're feeling
pain where pain doesn't belong
cause i broke your heart
i crushed the dream
with a heart that hard
you have the right to be mad at me.
i'm sorry i was the one to leave
...so sorry

Dear Evening

Dear Evening,
i’m stuck in the hours of the afternoon while nagging thoughts surface in my head
thoughts that simmer in the still daytime heat and thicken from over-turning
i had put them off to enjoy the morning and now I want them gone before the night falls
[fuck! ‘fall’…that word has a habit of making me sick these days]
Oh, eager evening, can you come early just this once?
or will you make me suffer through the daytime blues knowing that I will be waiting for you?

-kayla

After Dark

New song...written last night sometime around the midnight o'clock. I recorded it this evening
and posted it for your listening pleasure.

I wrote it for all the times that time had for people of you and me or whoever has stuff and things while doing something and feeling nothing but mostly for everyone who...[no, that wasn't suppose to make any sense]



K

Insight

"She sits in his lap, she's feeling lonely, nothing serious, she just wants sympathy, company,
then she realizes that though she hasn't said a word, he's sensed her sadness and is irked,
feels that she's inflicting, as she always does, he seems to think, her misery on him
so she tells herself not to be so needy anymore, for now, though, she just wants to leave,
except she can't, she knows that if he suspects he's let her down he'll be more irritated still,
and so she stays, feeling dumb and out of place, and heavy, heavier, like a load of stone."

-C.K. Williams

Oh, Lorraine

Oh, Lorraine
she grew up on the farm until the drought came
now she's trying hard to keep every day the same
but nothing survives without the rain
and she can't water the fields
with spit and tears

kayla

My Sunday Masterpiece

dinner.sncrly
K

Gone Away

New recorded song! It's called 'Gone Away'.
I wrote it when I was 6.... just kidding...I wrote it sometime on friday and recorded it today.
Good times here in the studio.




sincerely,
Kayla S.

Sculptor

I am a sculptor!
that's right....a sculptor
I can build you a new me, anything you want to see
and then melt it down right in front of you
until i'm a pile of clay spilled all over the floor
liquid and useless.
perhaps a mess that might get stuck to your shoe
just someone you happened to step on by accident,
but that's not how i want to be with you.

-k

Oh my

Steve Earle and Emmylou Harris - Goodbye


k

Photoshoot

bored when there are things to do?
oh well.
listening to new records i got today in the mail!
stupid photoshoot :)


-kayla

birthday call

happy birthday! i can't see you today,
but maybe a phone call will do.
it seems like such an easy call...
to just wish you happy birthday.
(maybe easy if i lock myself in a phone booth)

but i always try and talk myself out of a phone call
(like the way i try and talk myself out of an illness)
maybe its best to practice first because the words tend to fall
out of my mouth
without any flow or elegance

"happybirthdayhappybirthdayhappybirthday"
don't wait for my call.

-kayla

Breaking Point

it's her turn to look away
their eyes have locked three (or four) times now.
even though they know they shouldn't, they both enjoy these slightly embarrassing, lengthy gazes
they know that the breaking point must occur once the eye contact becomes a longing stare.
that is the unwritten rule they've abided by for many years.

there was a time when they made a liberating exception to this rule
maybe when they were afraid of the end, afraid their relationship (as they knew it) was over
or maybe when their curiosity became too overwhelming and left them with no choice but to embark on physical endeavors.
maybe both?

but those days are over, and they must go back to unwillingly following the rules (like anxious school kids who try and get away with as much as possible)
there is still something unexplainable between them, even though the mystery is gone.

was that the forth or fifth time? they've lost track
...but it's his turn to look away now

-kayla

Dear, Kayla

Hi. Hello,

Remember when you used to be really focused and dedicated? I'm sure you do since it's only been about eight months or so since you were. Good times, when you had a really good practice schedule and had a lot of goals for yourself [drumming-wise]. What happened kid? Too many dumb distractions? I suggest you get back to taking yourself a bit more serious. Soon.

sincerely,
Kayla (?)

For Old Time Sake...
Live Drumming With All On Seven

freeze it

"Take a picture of your life for a second
now freeze it and look at the screen
what parts of you were daydreams, illusions, and other things?"
-d.r.a.

omg this song...

Icy Blue Heart
Bluebird
Emmylou Harris

She came on to him like a slow moving cold front
His beer was warmer that the look in her eye
She sat on the stool, and she said "What do you want"
She said Give me a love that don't freeze up inside

He said, I have melted some hearts in my time dear
But to sit next to you Lord I shiver and shake
And if I knew love, well I don't think I'd be here
Askin' myself if I had what it takes

To melt your icy blue heart
Should I start to turn what's been frozen for years
Into a river of tears

These days we all play cool calm and collected
Our lips could turn blue just shooting the breeze
But under the frost, we thought he detected
A warm blush of red, and the touch of her knee

He said you're a beauty like I've never witnessed
And I've seen the northern lights dance in the air
I've felt the cold that can follow the first kiss
And there's not enough heat in the fires burning there

To melt your icy blue heart
Should I start to turn what's been frozen for years
Into a river of tears
To melt your icy blue heart

Dissolved

I remember where I was, but where am I now?
I keep getting dissolved in the dream and have somehow lost all track.

how far do I have to look to know where I am, or who I am?
the room reminds me that I'm home
the illusion tells me what I want to hear
the mirror begs me to never look past the skin
and my soul's affection forces me to ask... but never tell

-kayla

amazingAMAZING

one of my most favorite P.G. songs! It's called "When It Don't Come Easy".
Plus, the interview in the beginning is so well put.




inspired,
kayla

Jean-YvesThibaudet

"You will never be able to please everybody in any form of art. So just forget about it from the beginning, and do what you believe in. Develop a style, develop your own sound."

-Jean-Yves Thibaudet

SlayEvanPalmerSlay

smiley.




practice today.

-kayla

MyFavoriteTimeOfDay

morning,
k